Let’s Talk About Postpartum Sex (And What Actually Helps)

Because your OB gave you the green light, but your vagina (and your brain) didn’t get the memo

There’s this moment that happens around 6 weeks postpartum, when your OB clears you for sex. Maybe there’s a pep talk, maybe theres a “it may feel painful” or even a “use extra lube, it’ll be dryer than usual.”

This moment is such a vulnerable one, whether you're craving closeness, avoiding it, or somewhere in between. The truth is, intimacy after birth isn’t something we’re really taught how to navigate. So we’re left guessing (aka bracing, hoping, Googling).

Let’s make it easier.

Here’s what I recommend (as a clinical psychologist and a mom) for easing back into intimacy postpartum in a way that actually feels good.

1. The Holy Grail: Lube, Lube, Lube

Estrogen drops hard postpartum, especially if you're breastfeeding. That often times means vaginal dryness, no matter how "into it" you are. Even if things used to feel fine without lube, this is a new chapter honey. Using a high-quality lube can make a massive difference in comfort and pleasure.

🛒 PJUR: Infinity Silicone-Based Lubricant

🛒 Nécessaire: The Sex Gel

2. Soft Starts: Redefine Intimacy

It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Reconnecting with your partner can begin with touch, closeness, laughter (without pressure for it to lead to penetration). Think of it as warming up the emotional and physical connection slowly, gently, intentionally.

🛒 This deck is amazing for sparking connection without pressure

3. Pelvic Floor Love

Sex may feel painful, tight, or just off for many reasons. Your pelvic floor may be holding tension or need gentle support. This is so common, and so under-discussed! Pelvic wands and dilators can be helpful tools, and seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist can be a game-changer.

🛒 Intimate Rose: Pelvic Wand

4. Sexy, But Make It Soft

You don't need to slip into lingerie unless you want to. Sometimes just having something that feels beautiful and comfortable on your body can spark confidence. Whether it’s a soft robe, a nursing bralette that doesn’t scream “utility,” or a matching lounge set—it’s about shifting the internal dialogue.

🛒 Piyama (my favorite PJ brand)
🛒 Comfy bras that feel like you—not just “mom”

5. Have Fun With It: Oils, Toys, and Exploration

Just because you're easing in doesn't mean it has to be clinical. This can also be a time to explore new kinds of pleasure (on your own or with your partner). A gentle vibrator, a massage oil, or a warm bath with a little intention can go a long way in reconnecting with your sensuality. It’s about curiosity, joy, and permission to feel good again in your body.

🛒 A fun sex stone for massage/lube
🛒 This toy is perfect for beginners or postpartum bodies
🛒 This bath soak is chef’s kiss for mood and muscle tension

The Takeaway

If sex feels complicated right now, remember you just did one of the most physically and emotionally demanding things a person can do. Of course it’s going to take time. But with the right tools, support, and space to feel what you feel, intimacy will come back.

Slowly. Gently. Differently. Maybe even better ;)

Have questions, thoughts, or your own experience to share? I’d love to hear in the comments.