A New Metric for Success

Before I had my baby I had the privilege of sitting with many postpartum women during their most vulnerable times. I thought (maybe a little too confidently) that this inside view gave me some kind of edge, like somehow I’d be more prepared, more grounded, more equipped. I wouldn’t dare say it out loud (lol, that would be insane), but somewhere deep down I assumed I’d be different. And that I wouldn’t need to start from scratch.

But the truth is, nothing compares to going through motherhood yourself. Even with all the knowledge and experience I had, I found myself riiiiiight back at the beginning. At times (read: most times) feeling unsure and overwhelmed, and learning in real time.

And this is the part that’s especially hard: I’m someone who has always been motivated, competent, and good at what I do. The women I work with are the same. They are driven, thoughtful, high-achieving. They’ve built impressive careers, managed large teams, earned degrees, solved complex problems.

Then they become mothers.

And suddenly, nothing feels familiar. The confidence they’ve always owned starts to dwindle. They wonder if, why, or how they’re doing it all wrong.

So if any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

We all know the myth that says being a "good mom" should come naturally, instinctually. That maternal “all-knowing” wisdom will simply fall into place, so that you’ll somehow intuitively know exactly what your baby needs and when (while also taking care of yourself and everyone else around you).

But the truth is parenting is a brand new adventure. It's a steep, messy, deeply personal learning curve. So much so, that can activate your own inner child many times. And for women who are used to feeling competent and successful, the early days of motherhood can feel... a little jarring.

Instead of celebrating the fact that we’re learning something completely new (and incredibly complex), many of us spiral into self-judgment, shame, and the feeling that we’re failing at something we should be good at.

Here’s the reality of it though: Being a beginner at motherhood is part of the design. It’s not a flaw.